Why adults should watch 13 Reasons Why

Parents and teachers would do well to watch a new Netflix series called 13 Reasons Why.
It’s about suicide and it includes quite graphic content, including the main character’s suicide and scenes of rape. It has generated a lot of controversy – talking about it has been banned in one school in Edmonton and another district in Ontario has warned teachers against using the series as a teaching aid. The Vancouver School Board sent out a notice to parents offering guidance about the show.
13 Reasons Why does not paint a pretty picture of life in high school. However, banning people from talking about it is probably going to do more harm than good.
The series, based on a novel by Jay Asher, focuses on Hannah Baker, who kills herself, and Clay Jensen, her friend. Jensen finds a package of cassette tapes on his porch. They are from Hannah, who tells the 13 reasons she killed herself on the cassettes. Each cassette focuses on a person and how they contributed to her despair.
The reasons range from the mundane – friendships that end with no apparent reason – to the profound – watching someone you know get raped or being raped yourself. In between, there are various shades of grey, such as having lewd photographs of yourself shared on social media or having a friend drop you because they’re outed as homosexual.
I hope this show is exaggerated. But it might not be. In B.C., 15-year-old Amanda Todd committed suicide in 2012, and cyberbullying played a role.
Certainly, private photographs are shared on social media all the time. Kids drop kids off their friendship lists on a daily basis. Parents fail to notice what’s happening when they’re all wrapped up in their own survival every day. Car accidents, questions about sexuality, drinking, drugs and cyber bullying are all prevalent in teenagers’ lives.
A school counselor is portrayed as somewhat uncaring and oblivious in the show. This is unfortunate and certainly a stereotype, one that is probably completely wrong. However, it’s also an opportunity for counselors and teachers to watch the show and use it as an opportunity to talk with each other and students who may be vulnerable.
In the U.S., the National Association of School Psychologists produced “guidelines for educators” specifically about the series. It urges adults to talk to kids about the show.
“While many youth are resilient and capable of differentiating between a TV drama and real life, engaging in thoughtful conversations with them about the show is vital,” the guidelines say. “Doing so presents an opportunity to help them process the issues addressed, consider the consequences of certain choices, and reinforce the message that suicide is not a solution to problems and that help is available. This is particularly important for adolescents who are isolated, struggling, or vulnerable to suggestive images and storylines.”
Clearly, this show isn’t for everyone. The school psychologists’ association also says exposure to another person’s suicide or sensationalized accounts of death can be a risk factor for suicide. It makes it clear that most people who commit suicide have a mental illness.
But some young people are going to watch the show. When they do, it’s going to be better if they have someone to talk to about it, especially if they are struggling themselves.
Isolation and loneliness do not help when a person is depressed or mentally ill. Hannah Baker becomes more and more isolated with each episode of 13 Reasons Why. In the end, even with everything awful that happened to her, if she had had someone – just anyone – to talk to about it all, viewers know she would not have killed herself.
If we refuse to talk about suicide and this show, as upsetting as it may be, we contribute to further isolation. People need people to talk to. Let’s not push this series underground for fear of upsetting someone – let’s get it out in the open and start conversations with our kids. One of them might really need a friend.
tracy.sherlock@gmail.com